Bohumil Kuban

He's Baaaaaack (by Dave Leibowitz) - posted on February 22, 2010 Edit
The team played decently for a road game in Game 1. Problem is, in the playoffs, a "decent" road game isn't enough. More scoring is needed or better defense. The team was outshot which is the way to beat them - need to get those shots against down in order to win Game 2. Lines will be updated with that goal in mind. Meanwhile, there are rumors a certain swirly veteran will be making a stellar return to Broadway - no, not Harvey Fierstein. Bohumil Kuban. Sources say his locker hasn't even been opened since he first left the team. GM, Dave Leibowitz says: "Everyone's afraid to touch that thing...afraid of what's festering inside it. Honestly, I'm afraid, too. Perhaps when he retires, we'll hire some HAZMAT professionals to go in there and clean it out. Or maybe we'll just build a new arena. Who knows. There's some scary sh1t in that locker for sure." Kuban was reached for comment as well: "I'm so happy to return to the New York City. I hear now they have a huge Wiemer. I cannot wait to see that, yaaaaa. I also been learning the ballet. I hear the dancer make the lots of cash. My girl-ish figure should pay off nicely in the New York. Yippy!" Reached for further comment, the GM said: "Oy vey. Someone tell me again why I'm putting myself through this aggravation...again?" Larry Forelli reached US for comment (seriously, no one here called him): "Ha, fuggin, ha, ha, ha! I'm so fuggin glad I got the fug outta that fuggin organi-fuggin-zation. If I had to be in the same locker room with that fug I'd be looking at fuggin prison time. No way does Larry fuggin Forelli put the fug up with that fuggin sh1t. Can't wait to play against the fug though. Nail him along the boards and sh1t. No, fug. DUDE! I didn't fuggin mean it THAT way. FUG no! No fuggin way! I don't fuggin go there. I'm fuggin saying I'm gonna fuggin ride him like a fuggin cowgirl. BOY! Cow-BOY! Fug man you're fuggin me up with you're fuggin questions man. I ain't no fuggin Brokeback fuggin Mountain cowboy either man. Get that fuggin sh1t outta your fuggin mind." I repeat, no one in the media called Mr. Forelli. There's something seriously wrong with that dude. Oh yeah...Julius Sleyzak may also be joining the team in a deal with the Flyers.